Sunday, February 05, 2006
I remember people used to asked me, if i were to rank my friends, my family and my love according to which is most important to me, I would definitely rank my friends as first, then its usually a tie between my family and my love. Thats like, a year or two ago.
Now, if people were to ask me that question again, i wouldn't be so sure anymore. I don't think i've changed much. Karen offered me an interesting answer. "Its because all your good friends are so disappointing right?" I couldn't help but agree at that time in point. Its not the first time i've experienced such feelings.
Just this year alone (and it had barely started), I had seen quite a number of disputes between friends. Disputes which i think, shouldn't even have happened in the first place if you people had been more understanding and give and take. I'm not saying like i'm very understanding or what not but from an outsider's point of view, its always clearer.
Then there are things like, friends who didn't even turn up for outings without even telling anyone anything. What's worse, i inquired, to get silence and apologies as my only response. I don't think its very unreasonable for me to at least demand an explanation. And it happened from people who'd I'd least expect it from. Maybe i just expect too much but it still hurts when people can't do what for me what to me is like...the least?
Then there's Gim. She only wanted to meet up with us before she flies off to NZ for her studies. Probably won't see her for a v. long time after but i guess people are more concerned about other things than the fact that they might not see her for a v. long time after. Its been a long time since we last met too. Luckily me n ps got to catch up with her abit today. Have a great trip gim, and i really do hope u get into vet science =). Will miss you...
Maybe among these are the reasons why i'm so in love with anime and rpg and fantasy stories. Its only in these places where you can find the perfect friendship. Why? Because its too good to be true and only exists in our imagination. Where in real life can you find a friend who would be willing to die for you? Who would believe in you and not doubt you no matter what? Even a person like me wouldn't dare to say such words.
I seriously wonder how fragile our relationships with people are. People can fall out over anything and everything. Even the bestest of friends.
Ever since i entered NS, i realised that i missed my home more than I'd care to admit. I'd want to sleep at home, eat at home, bath at home, what the hell even shitting at home sounds more appealing to me than shitting in the damn camp. It's like home will always be there for me. Albeit there's an irritating granny at times..still..They say you don't cherish what you have until you lost it, not that i've lost my home or anything...
My dreams still prevails though. come to think of it, i've been meeting more and more people who, like me, endures on just by their dreams. Its such a powerful thing to hope. I just refuse to believe that i can't find my dreams.
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Currently i'm mesmerised by this song :
http://www.animelyrics.com/game/air/
(Game) Air: Tori no Uta (Song of the Bird)
Opening Song
kieru hikoukigumo bokutachi wa miokutta
mabushikute nigeta itsudatte yowakute
ano hi kara kawarazu
itsumademo kawarazu ni irarenakatta koto
kuyashikute yubi wo hanasu
(*)We watched the plane depart, its vapor trial fading behind.
I ran away because it was dazzling. I was always weak
and the fact that I was forever changing ever since that day
left me frustrated and I removed my finger.
ano tori wa mada umaku tobenai kedo
itsuka wa kaze wo kitte shiru
todokanai basho ga mada tooku ni aru
negai dake himete mitsumeteru
That bird can't fly well yet,
but it will know some day when it feels the wind,
that there is a place it can't reach off in the distance.
It is just looking at it having a wish inside now.
kodomotachi wa natsu no senro aruku
fuku kaze ni suashi wo sarashite
tooku ni wa osanakatta hibi wo
ryoute ni wa tobidatsu kibou wo
The children walk on the railway in summer,
exposing their bare feet to the blowing wind,
So far away are my childhood days,
In my hands are wishes about to fly.
kieru hikoukigumo oikakete oikakete
kono oka wo koeta ano hi kara kawarazu itsumademo
massugu ni bokutachi wa aru youni
watatsumi no youna tsuyosa wo mamoreru yo kitto
We watched the plane depart, we kept chasing and chasing after it.
Since that day when we crossed over this hill, in order to make us straight, we will have always kept the strength like the god of the sea, certainly.
ano sora wo mawaru fuusha no hanetachi wa
itsumademo onaji yume miru
todokanai basho wo zutto mitsumeteru
negai wo himeta tori no yume wo
The blades of the wind mill going round in the sky,
have the same dream forever.
A dream of a bird looking at the place it can't reach and having a wish inside.
furikaeru yaketa senro oou
nyuudougumo katachi wo kaetemo
bokura wa oboete ite douka
kisetsu ga nokoshita kinou wo
Looking back, it is the thunder cloud covering the burned railway.
Even if it change shape,
may we always remember them- the yesterdays left behind from that season
kieru hikoukigumo oikakete oikakete
hayasugiru aizu futari waraidashiteru itsumademo
massugu ni manazashi wa aru youni
ase ga nijindemo te wo hanasanai yo zutto
We watched the plane depart, we kept chasing and chasing after it.
It was an early sign. We two began to smile. In order to look at you straight, I won't release your hand even if I sweat, forever.
kieru hikoukigumo bokutachi wa miokutta
mabushikute nigeta itsudatte yowakute
ano hi kara kawarazu
itsumademo kawarazu ni irarenakatta koto
kuyashikute yubi wo hanasu
(*) repeat
Transliterated by Youko
Translated by masahiko.
Friends...Family...
Wishing...; 2/05/2006 11:10:00 PM
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