Monday, August 29, 2005
I tell you i'm getting more and more hyper and reckless. As long as it is outside of army time that is. Who in hell would go out even though he's sick, puked his guts out 3 times over the morning and is still suffering from diahorrea. Let me know if you know of another such person (=.
I don't know why i suddenly got that coming though. I don't distinctively remember eating anything wierd or dirty...strange. And no, i didn't eat a lot these few days. Cash flow problems (=.
Maybe i'm not suffering from a very severe diahorrea ( i don't know how to spell that word..haha), but i felt much better after vomitting and letting evertyihg out from top and bottom. Sort of like cleansing my digestive system in a way. Didn't had any more appetite for food and drinks and i was already heading out soon after.
Had it been a a few months ago, i think i would have gotten myself a rest. Ever since NS began, time had become such a rare commodity. I would try my best not to waste any of my valuable time outside, which was one of the reasons why i went out nevertheless. Its been long since i met them too, not to mention that its just me to not pangseh my friends. I do put in the effort.
I also have part of the mentality that, if everyone accomplished something, It'll be normal. If i accomplished the same thing but with some kind of constrain, then i'll be able to say something. If you get what i mean.
Most of the time, i'm spending time outside with my friends. I like it that way.
I love my friends
Insanity..
Wishing...; 8/29/2005 11:48:00 PM
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Sunday, August 28, 2005
I dream of.....
a simple world with a simple life
and a simply but happy family
content with what we have
without worry of the days ahead
I dream of.....
Companionship...
with friends who would entrust their life in each other's hands
who would be able to sit beside each other
silently admiring the beauty of the stars above
and yet understand and enjoy each other's presence
I dream of.....
a world full of innoncence and naivity
a world void of the dregs and deceptiveness of society
a world where trust and faith prevails
where words are held
promises fulfilled
I travel along a lonely road
dreaming of a simple, yet distant world
with my dream beaconing me towards my destination
forever shinging brightly so
I never will get lost
A sweet, peaceful dream.....
Dreaming...
Wishing...; 8/28/2005 01:37:00 AM
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Friday, August 26, 2005
Just got back from field. I just had that urge to utter something down even though i'm very tired. Hah. So thats it for today. Will come up with a more meaningful post tomorrow. (=
Tired...rubbish
Wishing...; 8/26/2005 12:20:00 AM
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Monday, August 22, 2005
Haha..there's nothing much for me to type actually, so i've decided on a topic. Music and songs which i like!!! One of the most ambiguous parts of my life. Well, unless you want to punish your ears and hear me rant about the stupid things that people do and MY pessismistic view on life, here goes :
Before i begin though, let me declare something. Contary to what most of my friends think, i'm not really a j-pop addict. My music playlists is mostly composed of songs which my friends recommend or songs which i've heard and i think is nice.
Since almost none of my friends reccomend me songs and my only source of entertainment is by watching jap anime, most of my songs are inserts and openings/endings from them. They're quite nice actually. And for those who don't know, i don't usually watch tv and don't tune in to the radio. So, there's nothing much behind the fact that my playlists are mostly jap songs
Also, i've got no idols and i don't idolize anyone. Which mean, no favourite actors, actresses, singers, bands...and the list goes on. In my mind, the idea of being a fan of an artist mean to love everything (if not all) that the artist comes out with. Lets say, an ayumi fan would love all of ayumi's songs. Rae would love everything about tomoya. You get the picture. Although i do like various artists and bands, i'm not to the point whereby i would declare a fan of theirs. Nope.
Okay, so on to the main topic. I think what i'm going to type out in the next few paragraphs will have almost everyone dying to clobber me to death as i really don't know how to exactly put what i think across in words. I'll try my best so here goes... (=
For me, i'll like a piece of music or song if it sounds...pleasing to my ear. Pleasing in the sense that it must have a certain rhythm which connects the parts of the songs together. It also means that i don't go for the meanings in the lyrics. If the lyrics are meaningful, its a plus. If not, too bad.
I guess thats why i'm attracted to j-anime songs. They always have those catchy tunes in them and i don't mind the fact that i cannot understand what they are saying. I'll just check out the translations when i have the time. (**Makes a note to learn jap soon**)
So these crosses out punkish rap (there's an exception though, Lose Yourself by Eminem). I also hate house music and clubs. Maybe its because of the smoke.Bah
(Ok, i'll end my post here for now. Very pissed. Stupid com hung 2 times, making me retype 2 VERY long posts. Everytime i retype i lose a bit of content and i'm running out of time. Tomorrow have to wake up at 530am and i have field exercise on tuesday. I'll continue when i get back. For now, i'll calm myself with a very peaceful and slow song (= )
// Japanese
Vestige
by See-Saw
kimi no sugata wa boku ni niteiru
shizukani naiteiru you ni
mune ni hibiku...
nani mo shiranai hou ga shiawase to iu kedo
boku wa kitto manzokushinai hazu dakara
utsuro ni yokotowaru yoru demo
boku ga eranda ima wo ikitai sore dake
kimi no hayasa wa boki ni niteiru
hadome no ki ga nakunaru sora ga kowakunatte
boku wa itsumade ganbareba ii no
futari nara owaraseru koto ga dekiru
doushitemo raku janai michi wo eranderu
suna ni mamireta kutsu wo harau koto mo naku
konna fuu ni shika ikirenai
waratteru natsu ni itekerure darou kimi nara
kimi ni boku kara yakusokushiyou
itsuka boku ni mukatte hashittekuru toki wo
kimi no shisen wo hazusazu ni iyou
kitto dareka yori jouzu ni uketomeruyo
kimi no sugata wa boku ni niteiru
onaji sekai wo miteru kimi ga iru koto de
saigo ni kokoro nukusu koto mo naku
boku wo suki de irareru boku wa kimi ni
mitasareteru
// English
You Look Similar to Me
by See-Saw
Your silhouette resembles mine
Like silent sobs, resounding in my chest...
To know nothing may be happiness
But I know I surely won't be satisfied with that
Even though the night may stretch out infinitely
I only wish to live the path I've choosen
Your speed resembles mine
Losing the will to stop, I become fearful of the sky
When can I stop working hard?
If it were the two of us, we can end it
I've choosen a path that can never be easy, no matter what I do
Not being able to brush off the smears of sand from my shoe,
There's no other way in which I can live
If it were you, you'd surely be in the laughter of summer
You made a promise to me
That you'd run towards me
Live without faltering your glance
And you can surely stop this better than anyone else
Your silhouette resembles mine
Because you, who see the same world as me, is here
I didn't lose my heart even at the end
I can now live as I wish
Because you made me satisfied...
Music..songs (part I)
Wishing...; 8/22/2005 01:25:00 AM
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Thursday, August 18, 2005
People say that you are happier not knowing anything
But I am sure that I will not be satisified
Its just a tendancy for me to note down negative stuff. I don't focus on the bright side of things. I tend to look at what's wrong rather than what's right. Yup, I am pessismistic. Not that there is much to be optimistic about anyway.
Yet, life still goes on, no matter how shitty it may be or how much worse it can get. Its not that i never look at the brighter side of things, just that i never voiced it out. Seriously, it pales in comparison to the former.
Luckily for me, i'm a very stuborn person, and i'll never give up. For the light that is still burning strong.
Life Goes On moeagaru
Life Goes On mamoritakute
Life Goes on
Wishing...; 8/18/2005 11:50:00 PM
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Wednesday, August 17, 2005
I was chatting with one of my close friends when he made a statement which startled me a little. He said NS made him realise that in this world, one will, and should, always look after his own self first. Other things concerning other people, their feelings, what they want, how well they are doing etc. comes second.
That made me recall what 1 of my course mate told me just a day before. He said to me, "Do not trust anyone, not even me. Only trust yourself." I enquired as to why he said that, and he promptly replied something like people always care for themselves first, who knows when you will get backstabbed. The main gist is, you cover your own back. No one else will be willing to do it for you. At least thats what i caught. And he brought out the fact that there are already theft cases in my course when there is supposed to be trust among and between soldiers. In fact, this whole topic began percisely because we (me and my coursemate) were talking about the rising inciddents of people in my course losing their belongings.
Is this what the society, the adult world, is really all about? Yourself? In the pursuit of materalistic ideals and needs and desires, people tend to only think for themselves and not for others. Of course, our instincts are to first take care of ourselves before looking out for others. Its natural. Somehow, some have...resisted this instinct in more ways than one. For most people that do, it takes the form of a more negative nature. You get what i'm implying. For those who don't, here's a hint: It doesn't matter how others fare. (=
It really isn't that hard to look out for one another. Really. I never at any moment doubted my friends. Ever. If you know what friends are to me.
I'll be waiting...don't let me down
Trust?
Wishing...; 8/17/2005 06:30:00 AM
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Sunday, August 14, 2005
Cycled to sentosa in the dead of the night on friday night in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the meteor rain that was forecasted to drop on earth that night. Started cycling 130am and reach home at around 415am.
The only things that i saw at the beach during those times were a couple of jets, a single star that was not blocked off by the clouds, and a group of very noisy campers who created such a din that it disrupted the quiet and peaceful nature of the deserted beach. Imagine sitting on the beach, silently observing and listening to the sounds of waves crashing and ships docking in the distant, the cool sea breeze blowing against your face, the feel of chill seawater up your feet, then suddenly the sounds of noisy campers screaming and shouting away in the distance. Not their fault, but it breaks the serenity =/
Somehow, i'm not very disappointed. Perhaps I went with half the idea that i wouldn't be able to catch anything, but i went anyway, hopeful that something will actually happen. Its also just an excuse for me to cycle to sentosa. I've long wanted to see what it feels like to stroll the beaches alone in the still of the night.
It was like cycling into a gigantic ghost house. It was rather dark with lights shining at the wrong places. Signs and trees always have light shining upwards, creating the eerie and shadowy effect like when you shine a torchlight up your face in a dark room (like a zombie, zombified signs? lol) The paths were long narrow and void of any living being, except for the sounds of animals. Even then there was a few moments when its unnaturally quiet, almost like the animals were all suddenly gone. There was the occasional taxi passing by, and the two sides thick with vegetation at times. Its not really scary, just a bit eerie. =p
Like always, when i'm alone by myself not doing anything in particular in a quiet place, my mind will churn up some funny thoughts of its own, which i'm not going to blog out now. Not yet =p. For now, i'll eagerly wait for the next oppturnity to view the meteor rain. Its a yearly affair right? Till next year then.
Rocks falling down...
Wishing...; 8/14/2005 09:00:00 AM
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Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Yup, got to make this entry long as i wont' be able to for the next few days. Have to stay in camp already )=. I'll start off with last friday night which could be summarised into a single paragraph.(Actually, 2 words. BBQ & Night Cycling. I don't want to talk too much about them though.Although its fun, its nevertheless about NS)
Sorry peeps. You'll have to make do with words. The pictures i got from my friends are WAY too big to be put on the blog. It'll totally cover my layout (which isn't much anyway but i don't like it =p). Well, the bbq is just like...any other bbq you have in your life, just that its all guys. Its all fun. After that, a small group of us went night cycling. Covered quite little ground as one of them was not very good at cycling so we went slower to accomodate him. We still visited a lot of places though. Its so much more entertaining than the bbq. The only complaints i have is that its supposed to be 'cohesion' night for my NS course but well, we booked two pits so we're seperated into 2 groups. So much for 'cohesion'. Also, like all ns groups, they HAD to disturb girls near our areas. I do not really condone such practices.
Ok. Thats it for friday night. End of NS. Hrm, i really do hate NS huh? After all, no one knows me better than myself. Imagine the same type of event, like the bbq or night cycling, I think i'll enjoy myself more with my other friends outside of NS. Heh.
I read through some of my previous posts and i realised that i complain a lot about everything. Not to mention those that i did not pen down, i can be pissed at almost anything. *laughs* Its just too bad that i have some of the worst combinations of traits present in me. Lets see, being the lazy me... I'm also a perfectionist, and an idealist...and quite possessive although i don't really exercise it. Yup, the worst being a perfectionist AND an idealist. Haha, sounds so much like someone who keeps on dreaming. Well, if it keeps me going, why not? I don't think i'll ever give that part of me up. Look, dreams are beautiful. (=
Come to mention of things that irritate me. I just had to add this in. I really can't stand SOME people (don't worry, they don't know the existance of this neat little blog =p ) People who does stuff like :
1)Ask for benefits or things in the guise that he's helping others to voice out when actually not everyone is in favor of his opinion AND that person is actually just doing so for his own personal gains. Just to tell people who actually do such stuff, its quite easy to detect. Really
2)Does things without considering about the consequences. I'm not talking about those who rushes hotheaded into things. I'm more particularly into those who
KNOW the consequences but did them anyway. More importantly, when they ARE caught,
they'll just try to push the responsibilities to others. How irresponsible. They
had their fun, and yet let others take the blame.
3)Two-faces. Act like they are friends in friend of people, but backstab and slander them behind their backs for all they are worth. After that still have the cheek to ask for help. Argh. How shameless can people get. To do anything as long as they get what they want huh?
4)thinks and formulates their own impressions for people solely by first impression
and then proceeds to DECIDING what other people should do based on their very own
opinions. "I thought you like that what.." <---- Bleh, what makes you think you
know better than the person themselves.
5)A lot more, just that i can't think of it right now.
Just FYI, i typed that out with REAL people in mind, not just thinking of what i personally do not like. So if YOU think that what i just described is actually YOU, chances are they are not. HAHA! =p As i have already mentioned, they do not know the existance of this humble blog. Hopefully ><
Continuing on with my post, I used to think that i'm super at staying up late but nowadays that confidence is shaking considerably. Had slept a lot more during lessons (despite much warnings) and rest time than i would usually do. Damn, its getting from bad to worse. Starting to get tired at times i normally wouldn't BEFORE i got into ns.
And yes. Now i can start to understand the misery in girls when they go out shopping but just don't have the money to. Thanks to the constant upkeep of transporting and payments made to the class fund for godknowswhat reasons, i'm was left with a total networth of 11 bucks through the weekend and monday. The good news is, NS allowance comes early during the national day period (received it yesterday night, instead of the usual 10th every month). Bad news is, I was left to wander town and bugis area with a friend with just a couple of bucks, which was barely enough to buy me a meal at those locations. I accompanied my friend to look for a bag, and along the way i saw so much stuff that i wanted. Bags, jeans, clothes,decorative stuff, posters, accessories etc. And yet i had no money to purchase any of them. Argh.
Visited my friend's NUS hostel (Shear's Hall) after that. I so totally made up my mind to AT LEAST stay for a semester in a hostel when i enter uni. My friend's room looked so cosy. I just HAD to try it out. Which means i have to start saving money AND work part time during my studies. I guess ending every month with a single digit in my bank account won't do anymore. Must refrain and control myself from spending on unnecessary stuff. But heck, money's not important to me, as long as the people around me (including myself) are happy. (=
I'll end this entry with an excerpt from a song (translated, its in jap =p).
From, Final Fantasy Unlimited - Romancing Train.
And now it's just the two of us in this wandering tale
I want to forget about what's waiting at the last stop on this journey
The journey can grant our dreams, your wish is shining strong.
Yup, nice lyrics (=
Oh and before i forget, A very (un)happy national day to you. (=
Thinking...
Wishing...; 8/09/2005 11:48:00 PM
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During a conversation, how many times have you been irritated by people when they say "Who ask you to answer, I didn't ask you."? I really hate it when that happens. It gives me the impression that whoever said that, they are just plain...rude. For one, people may just be trying to help out, and they are just brushed aside totally without any respect given to them at all. Just so unreasonable.
Come to think of it, i can't count the number of times i get really pissed during perfectly cool 'discussions' when people try to bring in ILLOGICAL issues into a perfectly logical one. Get the picture? Can't think of any good examples now as my mind is kind of in a total blank, another reason being i'm not one of such people. I think its extremely childish to behave in such a manner. Bleah~. Disgusts me.
Unreasonable people.
Wishing...; 8/09/2005 03:25:00 AM
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Monday, August 08, 2005
I was watching some anime and 1 character from gundam seed destiny particularly caught my eye. What he said really caught my interest. "Don't worry, after all, I'm the man who makes the impossible possible". I think i've just found myself a new idol. Nothing is impossible (for those who know well enough you'll know what i mean)
(=
I suddenly had this notion to just cycle over to sentosa and enjoy the sea breeze at night, alone. Maybe i'll try it out someday soon...
Inspiration
Wishing...; 8/08/2005 12:06:00 AM
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Friday, August 05, 2005
I always think random thoughts whenever i had free time on my hands. Be it travelling around on the bus or mrt listening to music, waiting for lessons to start, the moments right before I just fall asleep, strolling along the beach, waiting for friends when they are late, when I'm bathing or even when I'm doing my business in the toilet.
Times when my mind are just idle. With nothing much else to think about and just about free to think of everything. They just began to wander by themselves, thinking of ideas, values, beliefs, my dream world, things i don't like, dont agree, things that irritate me, what irks me, everything. Do you?
Just a few hours back, i was travelling on the train with a couple of my friends and we started a kind of 'debate' session which got me thinking again after we alighted and i went my own way on the east-west line. I don't know what got into my friend, but he *looked* depressed and was talking about how disgusting people now are. And, the most incredible of it all, he wanted a war. I shall not say the reason, so that any readers will formulate their own opinions on why he wanted a war to happen. (=
Don't you think that people in singapore are getting uglier? Generally? The most prominent values that thrive in most are 'kiasi' and 'kiasu' as I would put it. I would not rebute you if you said that i'm one of such people, but it sure as hell get on my nerves.
One very good example can be seen during the boarding of congested trains. People waiting to board just STAND outside the doors, trying to look for ways to squeeze their way in. As if they need someone to que them and to force the simple fact into their heads that passengers CANNOT alight if they're there blocking them.
But still, i believe that wars should never happen. Everyone deserves a second chance...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe Its the emptiness in me
When i look around and saw no one beside
Maybe Its the irritation burning inside me
when someone ignores me and brushes me aside
Maybe its the loneliness i experience
when I stroll the isolated beaches at night
Maybe its the sadness I suffered and endured
when i am left to wither alone
Maybe its the disgust I felt
when I see the reality in people.
They simply don't care
Maybe its the ever engulfing darkness I saw
reaching towards me
whenever I dream upon the starless night sky
Silently approaching, silently surrounding, silently suffocating
dark clouds concealing the glitters of stars which radiate hope
Yet i still believe, ever hopeful
as I peered at the ever darkening night sky
as I reach out for the long shining star
that will never cease its comforting glow
The light that will guide me through the darkness to yet more specks of hope.
My dreams shall keep me going till the end
The glitter of hope that will never die...
Maybe..
Wishing...; 8/05/2005 12:28:00 AM
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Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Heh, i think i'm getting fatter inside the army rather than becoming more fit. Its like for the past 3 weeks, i've been doing absolutely nothing at all except eat lunch, attending lessons (which i always sleep through anyway like in jc times, although there's more risks here. You know, army..discipline...discipline..army..bah!), getting scolded by the accursed evil being...
Anyways, i shall minimise any reports of NS activity as they are supposed to be kept secret and confidential.....NAHH!! Its just that every single damned thing that we NSF do inside is so remarkably stupid and brainless that anyone who read is will end up laughing their asses off at the senseless things that people actually do inside. I'll just cut short on the whining and save your ears from the misery of it all. *halo begins to glow atop my head* (=
The last 2 days were absolutely fun! Its been a long time since i enjoyed myself thoroughly at an outing. The sushi is nice and the pasar malam is interesting. I can still savour the taste of the yaki-tori and the soft-shell crab in my mouth. Heavenly, especially after suffering from lack of quality food from substandard cookhouses in the army. Even the herbal eggs and Ramly's burger from the pasar malam taste especially nice and satisfying. Maybe i've really lost touch with the world so much so that i found a *pasar malam* interesting...
I was basically just blabbering crap at my friends like how i used to last time. Come to think of it, I miss those days when i just went out and talked gibberish with my pals. So now i've satisfied my craving for sushi. Up next, Tepanyaki!! Burn meat burn!! WHAHAHAHAA, man, i'm so going to burn a hole in my pocket. Hope pay day comes real soon to prevent me from falling deep deep deep inside~
Food glorious food...
Wishing...; 8/02/2005 11:27:00 PM
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